M: Remember Hope
by WhyDoYouWantToKnow
Summary: "Those stars are always there, but sometimes we miss them in the dirt and in the clouds. We miss them in the storms. Those stars are hope Raven, always remember hope." Raven forgets what hope is, but Jinx is there to remind her. Songfic based on Helio's "To Write Love On Her Arms". M FOR A REASON: Content involves self harm and could be triggering to people. Please R&R and enjoy


**A/N: Wow this is probably my longest story for a while. I started this last year and lost it but found it and polished it up and finished it. Hopefully its good, if not I really apologize. Please review if you enjoyed it so that I can fuel my creative brain cells and make them work._  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, not even close to owning it  
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_Well she won't leave this night alone_

_And she won't sleep at all_

The moon shone bright on the cloaked Titan as she stood on the edge of the roof of Titan's tower staring down at the rocks and water below. She wrapped her arms around herself and sunk to her knees letting a few silent tears fall. She wasn't going to jump, no matter how many times she had thought about the feeling of falling through the air and knowing that the rocks and water would embrace her and never let her go, she would never go through with it. She stayed there, still as death itself, letting the wind that had picked up cut through her thin clothes like a thousand chilled knives being drug across her skin.

She was up here a lot lately. The roof was now her hiding spot. A place where she could let her emotions out without fear of hurting anyone, except for herself, but that never happened. Raven slowly started to get up, muscles stiff from kneeling for so long, and made her way to the door leading back inside the tower. She put her hand on the knob and took one final glance back before silently opening the door and going back inside. She moved quietly down the steps and to her own room, then opened the door, and slipped into the darkness that welcomed her.

_And all the sorrow that she takes out on herself_

_It comes around and leaves her bleeding on the floor_

_And she knows, yeah she knows, there's a lot of ugly things about this world_

Raven went to her dresser and grabbed the small box of matches that she kept. She struck one and, as the flame flared up, began to light the candles she had put around her room. She preferred the soft, warm glow of flickering candlelight to the cold, artificial light of light bulbs at times when she actually let a fraction of her negative emotions out. Though Raven kept her emotions locked up in their own parts of her mind most of the time, she needed to give them very slight reign every once in a while. If she let them bottle up for too long eventually they would break free and cause her powers to go haywire and be out of her control. Usually she would meditate, but lately that hadn't been enough so she was back using her old vice.

Silent tears ran down the Titan's face as she opened the second drawer of her dresser. This dresser held some of her more personal items; an amethyst necklace Stafford gave her for her birthday that she had never worn, a picture of all the Titans together that had been in the paper when they had first started fighting crime together, a card from Cyborg that went with his "joke" Christmas gift of bunny ears, and a small, old, purple velvet box, the kind you would keep a ring in. She grabbed it, letting her fingers memorize the feeling of velvet underneath them, and slowly opened it as a painful feeling settled in her left wrist as if it knew what was to come.

There, inside the box, was what Raven knew, and in some part of her dreaded slightly, would be there. The small silver razor that sat where a ring should be glowed deadly in the flickering candlelight. Raven had found it a year or so ago when she was cleaning out the Titans medicine cabinet and secretly took it.

Raven gently but firmly gripped the top of the razor and pulled it from where it had been sitting, then laid the small box back on her dressed. She gently pulled her sleeve up past her elbow and turned her arm over so her wrist was facing up. The white scars showed clearly against the Titan's skin like a map; a map of sorrow and hidden pain and past anger. Raven bit her lip, unsure of whether to do it or not. Most of her emotions wanted her to do it, but somewhere in the flurry of yes there was a small cry of no. She wanted to listen to the small no, but didn't know how else she could end the night. Raven bit her lip harder as the metal pressed against her skin. She wasn't going to back out now, not after everything that had happened since the last time she had been driven to this. Her emotions screamed at her. 'They don't trust you!' screamed Fear; 'You're worthless!' Rage agreed; 'What's the point?' Sorrow chimed in. Raven pushed the metal down, allowing it to break the skin, causing the only sound in the room, a gasp from Raven, to seem louder than it should.

A thin trickle of crimson started to run down her arm. Raven bit her lip before making another mark next to the first. The two trails met and merged into a miniature river against the half-demon's arm. Raven sat there for a moment, mesmerized by the blood before setting the razor down and going quickly to get a towel and bandages.

She took the towel, a red one so the blood wouldn't show, and held it against her arm. Raven winced slightly as the pressure caused the already painful cuts to burn even more. When the bleeding had stopped, Raven took the bandages and wrapped them tightly around her arm. She had learned early on thar fresh cuts on an arm may start bleeding again when you are fighting, but she had come up with an excuse pretty quickly on why she was bleeding. Ever since then she had to be careful when it happened, being sure to make it seem as if nothing had ever taken place.

After Raven had finished wrapping her arm and put the bandages and towel away, she walked back into her room. She grabbed a plain pair of pajamas and put them on then went to put out the still burning candles. As the last flame went out and the room was plunged into darkness, Raven crawled into bed and quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.

**(Around the same time with Jinx)**

_And street lights, they shine bright, as they illuminate the darkness of the pavement_

_They shine, as we try, to write in on her arms the live she longs to taste_

_And we'll find, that inside, she's a broken heart that anyone could save_

_It's alright, it's alright_

Jinx sighed as she walked down the street. It had been weeks since she left her team on less than good terms and she was currently to find both a job and someplace to stay. It wasn't her fault she wanted to leave, okay maybe it was it was but she didn't expect it to have been this bad. Well, actually she did kind of expect it to be; after all she is "bad luck". Since Jinx was lost in her thoughts she didn't notice the person running quickly in her direction until it was too late. The figure, who hadn't been paying any attention either slammed into her with enough force to cause both of them to fall to the ground.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Jinx yelled at her. Now that she could see the figure's face Jinx could tell she was indeed a she. The mystery girl jumped up and quickly started apologizing.

"I'm so sorry! I should've been paying more attention!" Jinx looked up at the woman from where she was still sitting. The woman was attractive, at least in Jinx's opinion she was. Her short black hair hung slightly in her face. Dark bags hung under her eyes and it was clear she was in a hurry. As much as Jinx enjoyed hearing her apologize and pay attention to her, she decided to end this quickly.

"Hey no problem, its clear you have somewhere to be. Go." Jinx watched as the girl ran off. She sighed, realizing how late it was and decided to start looking for somewhere to sleep. She walked for what seemed like hours, but must have only been fifteen to twenty minutes. Jinx started to pay attention again when her feet hit something soft. She realized that she had walked all the way to the beach.

Jinx sat in the sand close to the water and looked out over the dark waves. The moon shined over the water which would have been nice except for one thing; it was obscured by the Titans' tower. Jinx chuckled to herself as she remembered how she, Gizmo, and Mammoth took it over that one time.

At the thought of her old team a dull ache settled in Jinx's stomach. She had actually thought of those two as her friends, brothers even. Jinx sighed for the umpteenth time that night and started looking back at the tower. Jinx squinted trying to get a better look at the roof. She could've sworn she could see someone up there walking towards the edge.

"Who the hell is that, are they gonna jump?" Jinx thought to herself. She carefully rolled up her pants to above her knees and waded out a bit before noticing the cloak swirling around it.

"Raven?" Jinx questioned. She watched the figure for a while until it had gone back inside. Jinx shuddered from the wind that was chilling her and went back to the sand. Drying off she started to leave, hunting for somewhere to sleep and hoping that tonight it might be warm.

_Feeling worthless, self-destruction_

_Try to take control of this_

_Find a purpose, reconstruction_

_Write it somewhere it will stick_

Raven groaned as she awoke. Her arm felt like it was on fire and her trying to get up from her bed wasn't helping. She drug herself to her bathroom and looked in the mirror. The girl's skin was paler than normal and her eyes were still red and puffy from the night before. In short, Raven looked like a train wreck.

Sighing, she rolled up her sleeves to examine her bandages. They were dyed crimson and crusted from drying. Raven winced as she started to pull them off to be able to clean the cuts. She hissed as they pulled away from her still sensitive arm and caused the injuries to reopen a bit and bleed slightly. It was at this point Raven started to question if she had made the right decision. She knew she should have listened to that small no she had heard in her mind but the drive to do it was too much. Raven took a short shower before bandaging her arm again, getting dressed, and heading to the living room.

"Rae you feeling okay? You slept 'til one." Beast boy called to her. He and Cyborg were playing some new game on the TV as Starfire was watching and cheering first one, then the other on. Raven looked at the clock and was shocked to find out that it was indeed one in the afternoon. She never slept this late. Raven made her voice as monotone as possible before answering.

"I'm fine. I'm going to be going out. I have my communicator on if anything happens." She said and walked out. She went and grabbed a hoodie from her closet and teleported to a spot outside a small hole-in-the-wall café that she went to when she needed to get her feelings sorted out. She went inside and grabbed a booth, enjoying the calm, soothing atmosphere inside. The waitress, a short haired brunette girl with glasses, came to see if she could get her anything. The girl's green eyes swept over the Titan, taking in the sight.

'She must be new" Raven thought to herself. Nobody ever checked Raven out. Most were too intimidated to and the others new she was about as interested in them as she was in a stick being thrown for a dog. She ordered an herbal tea and sat at her table just enjoying the smell and taste of her drink. One thing she didn't see though was a pink haired girl in dirty jeans and a jacket walking in to her favorite place.

Jinx had seen Raven come into the café and decided to follow her. It was rare for the Titan to be out and about town like this. Jinx smirked as she saw her order and sit, knowing that Raven hadn't seen or sensed her come in.

"Hey Ravy, what's happening?" Jinx nearly purred, taking the seat across from her. At the sound of the Meta-human's voice a small frown found its way onto Raven's face. This was not what she wanted at all, especially today. Raven opened her eyes just to glare at Jinx.

"I'm not in the mood for your petty small talk or to hear about your latest heist, why are you here?" Raven asked rather coldly to the girl. At Raven's tone Jinx's smile dropped a bit, but did not completely disappear. This confused Raven, at least enough to make her wonder what the other girl was up to.

"Didn't you hear? I quit the whole villain thing." The look on Raven's face was priceless to the Pink haired witch. It was a mixture of shock, suspicion, and total contempt. Raven had tried to keep her face blank, but this news wasn't something Jinx would have normally said even jokingly. She had listened to the girl enough when fighting to know the difference. Raven thought was not fully convinced she was telling the truth.

"I highly doubt it." She responded. Unless Jinx was as stupid as Raven thought she might have been, she knew Raven wouldn't fall for that. Raven thought, wondering what Jinx's plan was and why she just had to try to chat Raven up. Sure Jinx was the more social of the three, it was highly unlikely heroes were on her list of people to talk to.

"It's true; I haven't even talked to the guy's in a week. Of course I wouldn't try since they are pretty mad."

"And? Do want to me to pat you on the back and say congratulations, because I think you came to the wrong place for that." Raven said rather flatly. At this though Jinx erupted into a fit of giggles. This confused Raven even more.

"No, I want to go for a walk with you, see if you're as mopey as everyone thinks you are. Who knows maybe I just found a pretty girl in a coffee shop and wanted to try and get her number." This statement caused a slight blush to grow on the Titan's cheek and her scowl to return. Raven didn't want Jinx's games right now. Though deep inside her somewhere she kind of wanted company. Someone who wouldn't make her want to sit in her room and meditate all day to get rid of a headache.

"If I go for a walk with you will you leave me alone afterwards?" Raven asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

"Eh, we'll see." Jinx said and smiled. She got up and reached out a hand to help Raven up. Raven ignored the offer and stood up, then immediately started walking to the door.

"Woah wait up Speedy." Jinx said, following her. They walked in silence to Jump Park. They walked around the trail there with Jinx trying to make small talk and Raven shutting her efforts down quickly. Before they knew it, it was sunset and they had walked around three times. Raven was glad it was time to go, Jinx was starting to get on her nerves.

"Looks like it's time for me to go." Raven said finally. She turned from the girl and started to walk away.

"Rae look out for tha-"The rest of Jinx's sentence was cut off as Raven tripped over a large rock that was next to the path. Raven fell to the ground, hitting her elbow and her knees in the process.

"Dude are you okay?" Jinx asked, rushing to help the poor girl. She grabbed Raven's hand before gasping and letting it go. Raven immediately knew what she had seen. The fresh bandages that was wrapped around her wrist had faint red spots on them and Jinx had seen it. Jinx, the annoying pink haired wanna be sorceress now knew The Titan's biggest secret. This was bad. This was very very bad. Raven quickly pulled her sleeve down and got up.

"You tell no one about this, you didn't see anything." She hissed before turning away to leave. Jinx however had other ideas. She grabbed Raven's arm and pulled the sorceress back to her.

"Raven, I know we're not exactly best friends, or even acquaintances, but please tell me what is bad enough to cause you to do this." Jinx pulled Raven closer and wrapped her arms awkwardly around her in something that was like a hug.

"Do we have any place…quieter?" Raven whispered. She didn't want any chance of anyone else hearing her if she was going to get Jinx to get off her case. Though she would die before admitting it, she actually kind of enjoyed Jinx's concern. Even if the other girl was lying, it was nice to feel somewhat cared for. Her team had never really done that for her. They had tried, but none of them had tried hard enough to get in to get her to tell.

_And stars are hiding now, but there's something out there still_

_And she knows, yeah she knows that there's an awful lot of beauty in this world._

Jinx led Raven to a small hill that was in the park. She sat down on the top, and patted the grass next to her. Raven hesitated. She knew that if she teleported now that Jinx wouldn't be able to catch her. However she still found herself sitting next to the other girl. The two were silent for a few minutes before Jinx decided to break the silence.

"Tell me Raven, you may not believe it but I want to help." Jinx's voice was soft. It was a sharp contrast to her normally loud, obnoxious voice that Raven had heard before. It was at this request that Raven began to talk. She told Jinx about everything she had been feeling. The worthlessness, the loneliness, and the thoughts of her emotions that plagued her mind. She didn't really know why she was telling the other girl this, but it felt good to finally get everything off her chest. Jinx listened the whole time, never taking her eyes off of Raven and never interrupting. Raven was glad that she was listening instead of trying to stop every thought with and objection.

_These street lights, they shine bright, as they illuminate the darkness of the pavement_

_They shine, as we try to write it on her arms, the love she longs to taste_

_And we'll find that inside that she's a broken heart that anyone could save_

_It's alright, it's alright, _i

It's_ alright_

After Raven had finished her confession Jinx looked up at the sky, deep in thought. She really didn't know what she could say to the Titan that would make her feel better, or if she even wanted her to try. The silence was worrying Raven. She wondered if she had said too much to the other girl. Soon though Jinx spoke.

"Raven, you see all the stars in the night sky?" She turned and looked the Titan in the eye. This wasn't a simple question Raven decided. Raven looked up.

"Yeah, what about them?" Raven asked, not really knowing what Jinx was getting at.

"Those stars are always there, but sometimes we miss them in the dirt and in the clouds. We miss them in the storms. Those stars are hope Raven, always remember hope." Raven gasped slightly at Jinx's statement. That hadn't been what she was expecting at all from the other girl. Before she had a chance to say anything back Jinx's lips were on hers. The kiss spoke of hope and of joy. Jinx tasted of something sugary and something minty. It was an interesting combination that Raven loved. However, as soon as it had started it was over.

Raven looked at Jinx and noticed a slight blush on the other girl's face. It probably matched her own.

"Look I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Jinx started, but Raven cut her off by smashing her lips against the others. Her kiss was needy. It was pain and mistrust wrapped up with a small bit of hope inside. It was something that she had never shared with anyone else and Jinx loved it. Before long they had to break apart, their lungs demanding oxygen.

"So, does this mean we're dating now?" Jinx asked, a small look of worry on her face. Raven thought for a bit before letting a true smile grace her lips for the first time in an extremely long time.

"I believe so." Raven said and kissed Jinx for the third time. This kiss however was different from the other two. It was everything Raven wanted and more rolled into one. They stayed like that, under the light of the moon, sharing that one perfect kiss, and for the first time in an extremely long time, Raven could say she was truly happy.

_The stars are always there_

_But we miss them in the dirt and the clouds_

_We miss them in the storms_

_Remember hope_

_Remember hope_

_Hold on to hope_

_We have hope_

_Hold on to hope_

_We have hope_

_(it's alright, it's alright, it's alright)_


End file.
